The Donkey Is Sleeping Today

Beck U 3: It’s Not A Tumor

In Idiocracy, Politics, Propaganda on July 22, 2010 at 4:34 am

The circus act was back in town, and its unctuous ringmaster, the Ralph Lauren-clad Glenn Beck, warned ominously that tonight’s lecture was about charity and that, in today’s world, it is the government that takes your tax money and decides to whom to be charitable (cue kaliope music).

Scout's Honor: My Dog-Whistle Blows

Of course, this dog-whistle to the right invokes a Pavlovian response in every wing-nut. They hear government spending, and they immediately howl about their tax dollars supporting the good-for-nothing welfare queens and the lazy unemployed who are constantly looking for a government handout. And by lazy, unemployed welfare queens, they mean minorities.

But the night was filled with dog-whistles.

Tonight’s lecture was presented by the most educated and pedigreed of the three Beck U. “professors,” which also makes him the most dangerous.  His name is James Stoner, and he is a very smart man.  Mr. Stoner received his M.A. and PhD from Harvard University and has spent the past 22 years teaching political science at Louisiana State University, where he has recently taken over as Chair of the Department of Government. He has authored two books on common law and the American constitutional system, as well as countless articles on a variety of subjects related to political science.

And he has a Bible to thump.

During his thirty-minute, 9th grade-level civics lesson about the Constitution, its creation, and our Republican form of government, Stoner hit all the conservative talking points about judicial activism, strict constructionism, and small government being the AWESOME.

My favorite part of the lecture came when the nerdy but affable Stoner let his mask slip during a discussion on whether or not the constitution was a living document. With a sneer, Stoner maintained that it was doing just fine until the progressive era began, which was when the document metastasized into a tumor, making it something completely different from what it was intended. (Okay, I’m slightly paraphrasing here, but not by much.)

Who knew the progressives were a cancer on the body politic, subverting common law into some Dirty Fucking Hippie commune of free love, loose morals, and equality for all.

Even Arnie Knows That's Outrageous

But that’s not the way God intended it, according to Stoner, who is really pissed off that: kids are not allowed to pray in school (scroll down the page to find Stoner’s piece); women are allowed choice over their own bodies (Stoner gives the book a glowing review); gays are being allowed to marry; and unmarried individuals have the right to use contraceptives.

No, really, he’s very pissed off that those damned activist Supreme Court justices had the audacity to allow unmarried individuals the right to use contraceptives in the 1972 EISENSTADT v. BAIRD case.

Wayne D. Moore, Department of Political Science, Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University reviewed Stoner’s second book, COMMON-LAW LIBERTY: RETHINKING AMERICAN CONSTITUTIONALISM, and highlighted this gem:

Even more reprehensible, according to Stoner, was the Court’s detachment of the right of privacy from marriage altogether through its holding in EISENSTADT that unmarried individuals had a right to use contraception. Once the Court made that move, in Stoner’s view, the ruling in ROE (v. WADE) was “merely an afterthought.”

I shudder to think what Stoner’s real thoughts are on integration, the civil rights laws, the voting rights acts, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid… In his mind, it must be the devil’s work.

But as a DHFer myself, I vociferously applaud the ruling in EISENSTADT, as I owe Trojan Condoms a huge debt of gratitude. And to Stoner, I would simply say: don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

-SF

UPDATE: You can find more three installments from the higher learning archives here: Beck U, Beck U2, Beck 4, and Beck 5.

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